


Silent All These Years

by BarettaVendetta



Series: Tales from the Konoha Library [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child Death, F/M, Next Generation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, bereavement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1883967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarettaVendetta/pseuds/BarettaVendetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Fourth Shinobi World War, Hinata and Sakura both deal with the loss of a major figure in their lives, and Hinata finally gets the chance to come clean to Sakura about a secret she's kept for a long time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent All These Years

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the same universe as 'Taming The Wolf'.

_I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes..._

 

_Hinata is running towards the little group of teenage shinobi who have gathered in a circle, momentarily oblivious to the resurrected Sasuke and his rampaging Susano'o wreaking havoc across the battlefield. She can hear her niece crying, her team mate Senji comforting her, Rock Lee's daughter screaming and crying in what sounds like frustration and rage as she kneels down by the body of her team mate, or rather, half the body of her team mate, for Kanae's body has been torn in half by one of Sasuke's arrows. Ritsuko is nagging Senji to help. He shakes his head. Ritsuko swears at him, and then her words and the words of the others are just noise as Hinata arrives at the scene and cradles her dying daughter in her arms, Kanae's flak jacket soaked with blood, and Kanae smiles faintly and tries to reach up and stroke her mother's face, and all Hinata can hear is her own voice screaming and screaming and screaming as her daughter's blood flows down her arms, and she cannot let go, will not let go..._ not this, not again, please gods no, not my baby, not my baby...

“Mum?”

Hinata woke up with a start. Her older daughter, her surviving daughter, was bent over her, shaking her by the shoulder. Behind her, Sakura Haruno, now the Seventh Hokage, stood in the doorway.

Oh gods, what must she think of me? Hinata thought. _I'm wearing my old coat. My hair is a mess. I must look like a drunk. A crazy old lady._ She jumped to her feet and bowed, even though she had known the Hokage since their Academy days. It was a force of habit.

“I'll go and make some tea,” said Hiyori, and vanished into the kitchen. The two older women followed her, and sat down at the table while Hiyori busied herself with mugs and spoons and leaves, and they made small talk, mainly about Jiraiya and Taki, and Temari's appointment as Jounin Commander, and how Kankuro had made Shikaku a prosthetic arm to replace the one he had lost.

The other subject on Hinata's mind placed itself on the table and sat there, waiting.

When Hiyori had gone, Sakura asked in a low voice, “How is she? Jiraiya was asking about her.”

“Keeping it together,” said Hinata. “Just like the rest of us.” She smiled wanly. Sakura wasn't fooled. She laid her hand on Hinata's arm.

“There's no need to pretend you're OK when you're not,” she said. “Chouza used to do that all the time. So did my husband. He always...”

“I loved him, you know,” Hinata blurted out, and immediately wished she hadn't, as Sakura stared at her.

“Naruto?”

Hinata nodded.

“I really loved him,” she said. The words barely made their way out of her mouth. “Ever since we were in the Academy.”

“What about Kou?” was all Sakura could say.

“Oh, I loved him,” said Hinata, “but not in the same way I loved Naruto. It was different. He was the man I'd have a family with, spend the rest of my life with...well, that's what I thought at the time...but Naruto, he was something else.” The words were spilling out now. “I've always admired him, all those years ago when we were in the Academy, the way he was always so happy and determined and never gave up. He was like...like a ray of sunshine. So cheerful, so positive and bright and warm. He loved everyone. I just wanted to bask in that warmth somehow. And it was his smile that did it for me as well. His smile...well, corny though this sounds, his smile saved me, Sakura-sama. I'd think of his smiling face and how he always stayed positive, no matter what hit him, and I'd think, I want to be like that, I want him to smile at me like that. So many times, I wanted to tell him...but I couldn't. I just couldn't do it. Maybe in the back of my mind I'd been hoping he'd notice me somehow, like he did in the Chuunin Exams the first time round. I even had the same nindo as him. When he swore he'd never give up, that's what I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. Every battle I've fought, every bit of training I did, it was because of him. I loved him. I really loved him...oh gods, look at me, going on and on. I shouldn't be telling you this, I'm so sorry...”

Sakura said nothing.

“Aren't you going to hit me?”

Sakura stared. “Why would I do that?”

“I've just told you I've been in love with your husband for over forty years,” said Hinata, incredulously. “Aren't you even the tiniest bit angry?”

Sakura shook her head. “I'm not going to kick a woman while she's down, Hinata. And to be honest, I can understand why you loved him. He was a good man. And he had that effect on people, you know what I mean? All he had to do was smile that old smile of his and people would be falling over themselves to help him. Look what he did to Gaara.”

Hinata's tense shoulders relaxed. She had been dreading the prospect of Sakura's wrath.

“I loved him too,” said Sakura. She squeezed Hinata's hand. “To be honest, I'm amazed you managed to keep it silent all these years. But at least you never made a pass at him or tried to steal him from me. I'd be pretty pissed off if you had.”

“I wanted to tell him,” said Hinata. “But I could never find the words, or it was never the right time...and then Father set me up with Kou, and that was the end of that.”

“He really admired you, you know,” said Sakura. “I'm not just saying that, Hinata. He had a hell of a lot of time for you. He always spoke very highly of you.”

Hinata remembered the Sixth Hokage's funeral, how nearly everyone in the village who was able to come had turned out, shinobi and civilian. The six clan heads who'd died, her own father included, had had their own clan funerals, though they were not exclusive to their respective clans – she'd been to Shibi, Chouza and Tsume's funerals, and Shikamaru's as well.

She thought of Kiba and Akamaru, howling for the dead while Kankuro, Kiba's husband and a man who rarely cried, had wiped tears from his eyes. Shino with his head bowed, his coat pulled tight around him, not giving anything away, not because he would not but because he could not. Chouyomi Akimichi's pale face, the familiar rope belt and Akimichi chest plate now being worn by her, as her father was in hospital with his head wrapped in bandages. Temari rigid and dead-eyed with her arms around her son and daughter. The parade of Konoha citizens that seemed to last forever, dropping floral tribute after floral tribute on Naruto's coffin. As Hinata had passed it, her legs had become weak, and Hanabi, now head of the Hyuuga, had grabbed her to stop her falling.

Sakura broke the silence. “Actually,” she said, “the reason why I came over completely slipped my mind, but you reminded me. I want you to be my assistant.”

“Me?” Hinata stared.

“You.”

“But why?” asked Hinata. “Couldn't you have asked Ino or someone?”

“Ino's too busy with Intel,” said Sakura, “and anyway, I'd rather have you. I need someone who's sensible, someone who'll stop me doing mad things. And you're just the woman for the job. Besides, I've got Temari's backing, and Shikaku and Shizune as well.” _And maybe,_ she thought, _it'll help bring you out of yourself again. You're still screaming, but only you can hear it._

Hinata swallowed. Then she saluted and said, “I'll do it.”

“I knew I could count on you,” said Sakura with a smile, and the deal was done.

_I owe Naruto this much,_ thought Sakura as she wandered back to the Hokage's residence, deep in thought.  _You may not have ever been able to confess to him, Hinata, but wherever he is now, he'll be watching down on you and smiling. He's still here. We carry his spirit in our hearts. All of us._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in a world where the events deviate from canon around the time of Jiraiya's death - hence, while Pein does attack Konoha when the Konoha 11 are in their teens, the circumstances are different, and Hinata's love confession to Naruto never happens, nor does she ever get the chance to confess to him. See 'Taming The Wolf' for more details. Moreover, the war in this story is not the same one as the one in canon - the characters are much older, for a start. (Hinata, incidentally, is one character I can definitely see as being a Tori Amos fan.)


End file.
